Sages
by lavabirdtemple
Summary: Guys, I want to say I'm sorry for this, I really do, but I am not, so if you have the patiece to read this Nayru damned story, have fun.


"Ok, Link, you must pull the sword and rid the world of Ganondorf's evil." Navi said once they opened the door to the sealed chamber.

The child looked at his fairy companion, and said, "Wouldn't it be a good idea to close the doors so the crazed dessert man can't just walk in and take the tri-force, a holy relic that can't fall into his hands."

Navi hit him over the head. "Stop making sense, you can only do it to forward plot, and Ganon is a _desert_ man, not a _dessert_ man."

Link shrugged his shoulder and said, "Blame the crappy author."

Again, Navi hit him over the head. "No breaking the fourth wall."

Link smiled evilly, "First off, the fourth wall is there," he pointed to a random wall, "and besides, characters like that are the funniest."

Navi, having enough sass from the boy, threw him to the sword, face first towards its edge. He turned his head last second so only a hair was cut, saying, "Good, I've needed a new haircut."

"Ok, what the hell is taking you so long."

Link stood back up, brushed himself off and said, "Simple, the author is trying to get to a word count of over a thousand, and he only thinks the main point of this story will take up at most one-hundred words."

Navi slapped him, "No fourth wall, and if that's it why is he submitting me to this torture."

Link, while rubbing his head, said, "He's trying to write a one-shot, mainly because Truth of the Crystal Pool was supposed to be a one-shot too, but forgot to put finished instead of in-progress."

"Well he's stupid."

"I'm not denying the facts."

_"Wow you guys are horrible" _the voice of the author came bellowing, but his voice kept cracking so they couldn't help but giggle, _"You know what, I should start a story of the Ocarina of Time and torture you to my stories."_ At my last words they stopped laughing and stared in horror at the walls and started crying to spare them of punishment.

Navi, after crying, said, "Get the sword and finish this so we can this Goddess forsaken story."

"You're right, let me get it." He put his hand on it, and pulled it out. When he did both he and Navi were risen to the floor above and were put into a coma.

* * *

**_It is said that the Hero of Time, the greatest warrior of his time, after finding the three great treasure, went away for seven years to train after Ganon stole a third of the tri-force. After training he came back as a toned beast that tumblr users everywhere made fan-art of. He then found the sages and saved the world from Ganon's forces and Ganon himself, without even breaking a sweet._**

* * *

"Man, that was one hell of a night, remind me to do whatever I did, just not hung over." Link said getting up. Navi looked at him and just stared in awe.

"Uhm, Link, look at yourself for a minute will you."

"Yes, yes, Navi, I know, I have no future, and I'm annoying what else."

"Well, those are good points, but I meant that you seem _very_ different."

A creepy shadow came out of no-where and said, "The fairy is right, you have aged many years, just so you could fight Ganon. And now I say to you-"

Link stood up and interrupted him, "Great story, really fine and dandy and all, but I have one major super important question."

The man came forward and said, "Yes young hero, what knowledge do you need?"

Link cleared his throat and screamed "WHERE THE HELL DID THESE PANTS COME FROM?"

"Oh, the old art of answering a question with a question, good job."

"So you aren't going to answer my question well have a good day and go die in hole, good sir." He started to walk away, but the old sage said to him, "Why are you so angry?"

"You try surviving a week with this demon," Link pointed at Navi, "and see how you feel."

"Ok, well go towards your adventure and save the princess, then kill Ganon so the sages can have pork cho- I mean so Hyrule will be safe."

By this time Link already left, so Navi said, "You know we don't know what we have to do."

* * *

**ForestTemple:** "I hate wall masters and spinning walkways"

**WaterTemple:** Everything, especially Ruto

**SpiritTemple: **Innuendos

* * *

"Ok, first meeting of the sages, who is better and I will say that I am for many reasons, I always knew I was a sage, protected Link, I gave him and put pants on him pants, and-" Rauru states while holding a clip board until Saria snapped at him and screamed, "I WANTED HIM TO DIE A SAD LOWLY VIRGAN, WHY DID YOU DO THIS."

Ruto carried on where the forest sage left off, "YEAH, NOW MY FIANCEE WILL NEVER LOVE ME NOW THAT HE KNOW'S THE JOYS OF FUN YAOI TIME!"

Rauru, stood up and said, "First off, he didn't love you, second, I didn't sleep with him."

"Look how he lies, the only one I was ever in love with of the people I was engaged to, and he stole his innocence- hey why did you hit me, Saria."

"Link must be unhappy for me to be happy."

"You two know nothing, Link was mine and only mine, he was going to be the head of our family and provide for us by cutting grass and killing monsters. But if you think you can take him from me, then I will kill you." Said one sage, I'll let your imaginations run wild guessing who.

Zelda looked around at what was going on in this damned room, there were six spirits, one being blamed for having sexual relations with a minor in a coma, three of them fighting for the right to have said no grown up but still a minor, and the loser would get to kill the 'pedo-bear', and two watching and waiting to sell this to the highest bidder at a Legend of Zelda convention.


End file.
